By Jayne Dough
[TRIGGER WARNING: This poem alludes to a scene of rape]
Back then, i thought everyone deserves love. i was a fool.
That Night: STOP, STOP, PLEASE STOP
(i whispered, but u heard me)
i—what do you want for lunch?
i—chicken noodle or beef barley?
i—will you wash the dishes after?
u—yeah. you wash the cutlery.
All the time I’m thinking…
That Night: PLEASE…YOU’RE HURTING ME…PLEASE…
(until my voice gave out)
i—what do you want to watch?
u—i don’t care. come here. lie beside me. i want to hold you.
i—like this? is this ok? are you comfortable?
u—closer. where’s the remote?
All the time thinkin’…
That Night: why won’t he pull out? why won’t he pull out? why won’t he pull out? why won’t he pull out?
Back then, i thought everyone deserves love. took me 2yrs to figure out
Jayne Dough is a pseudonym adopted to honor the Toronto woman, Jane Doe, who bravely sued the police for mishandling her rape case. Although we don’t know her name, Jane Doe helped a generation of women in the city of Toronto. Jayne Dough writes as one of the many unnamed women who have endured and supported a cycle of abuse. Now coming from a place of security and peace, she wants to be outspoken about her experience. Much gratitude to The Ride or Die Project for creating a platform that embraces the intricate complexity of these issues. Much love.