Exploring the stories of women who live by a ride-or-die philosophy

[SERIES] Diary of a Hip Hop Head: 1st Entry – My Declaration

By Jessxca Docs | @BlogThatJ

*sometimes I mess around with the pen*

Woke up early this morning rolled a ting and started reflecting, my normal Sunday morning routine and the only time I wake up early to do absolutely nothing in the AM.

I’ve been in a J.Cole mood lately so I took it back to Friday Night Lights, one of his first mixtapes released in 2010.  I respect the sample he used on Best Friend (he sampled Best Friends Ft Aaliyah off Missy Elliot’s first album Supa Dupa Fly.  Side note: I’m a ride or die Aaliyah fan).

It had me reminiscing about the 1990’s; I had to take a trip.

I ended up listening to Missy Elliot’s Supa Dupa Fly album and got as far as Under Construction. (One time for the creativity in Missy’s music videos!!! From the plastic garbage bag in The Rain video to the Tetris like flashing lights, black lipstick and bejeweled encrusted face in She’s a Bitch video.. It’s originality at its very best!)

 

 

It’s funny how music can take you back to a specific moment in time.  For me I was reminded of how much of myself I hid under the guise of being a tomboy (which I was). I always had the sweats on with my favorite navy blue hoodie, (I’m wearing my hoodie now as I type this), sporting a durag and my hair braided back. I went to a high school where I had to wear a uniform and on civies days (this is when we got to wear our own clothes). I would regularly opt out of wearing the v neck top my friends would be eager to rock and maybe throw on a T-shirt instead.

I just never wanted to expose too much.

The only time I felt comfortable is when I played sports, especially basketball, tennis and track & field. I was my sexiest when I ran track tho. (If you ran track you know what I’m talking about tee hee). I would flaunt my sexy legs…but I was still hidden even if they were exposed.

My demons had me tripping like the movie Revolver. On a good day they know how to play with me. I just didn’t believe in my sexy. I guess having grown men desire me at a young age fucked up my mental. It’s probably one of the reasons why I’m a late bloomer.

Fast forward to now…. I roar and shake my mane in victory I don’t run from the truth of my beauty inside and out!!!!

I’ve come a long way from wearing du-rags and sneakers to clubs

Love for I saw me BE!

Growing up hiding my body,

not wanting to claim me…

 

I look in the mirror now

and see all the things I love,

and accept about mine…

 

My patchy golden skin tone

My tiger stripes

My water for chocolate brown eyes

My beautiful mind

I dare myself to take longer looks in the mirror when I get the chance and when I do I roar loudly with pride!

 

Before I leave here’s the link for the Friday Night Lights mixtape:

http://www.datpiff.com/J-Cole-Friday-Night-Lights-mixtape.168650.html


Jessxca Docs | Core Writer

 

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